She's at my shoulder suddenly. Her hair mussed up and hanging in her face. She has just woken up and her mind slowly is coming into focus. Somehow snuggling with me on the couch helps her wake up. I actually started the snuggling habit because I needed snuggles to wake up. I don't have my tea any more, now that I'm pregnant. I need something else warm and soft to gather me together in the morning.
But I am now too busy for first-light snuggles. I have gotten up at 4:00 or 5:00 to try to start writing a book. A book! The audacity of it! When my daughter appears at my shoulder at 6:30 I am annoyed that she has interrupted me - she who depends on me to feed her, hug her, set a good mood at the start of her day. I have read that kids easily pick up on their parents' moods and adopt them as their own.
I should not be annoyed by her having woken up. My job as her mom is to greet her with a hug in the morning, like my mom did me every morning as a kid. My mom wasn't working at a computer when I first saw her. Doesn't Girlie deserve my full attention? Not merely to be squeezed in amidst my other life concerns/responsibilities/obsessions?
Truly I am desperate for some "me" time. When I was at the computer now checking email, reading blogs, I should have been doing our family budget for after the new baby comes, figuring out if we will be able to afford a Nanny one morning a week. Maybe I can actually get some time completely to myself, with no possibility for distraction.
I am wary of getting drawn into the virtual world of blogging. Why should I spend my time typing, here at this desk, when I could be talking with another person, planting those impatiens, playing with my kids, enjoying God's creation? At least, writing in my journal on the couch I am more able to look up, to ponder the deep royal red of the budding roses in our backyard.